Yesterday I had my semi-annual trip to the optometrist to have my eye sight examined. While this is becoming more and more routine as I get older, I still would rather do just about anything else than go through this examination. However, since being able to see clearly is more important to me than a little inconvenience, I make these appointments and show up at the scheduled time.
When I visit the doctor’s office to have my eye exam I always feel as if I lose about 50 I.Q. points before I leave the office. One of the things that you probably don’t know about me is that I have a condition of partial color blindness. To answer the normal questions, yes I do see things in color (just probably not the same shade of colors that you see them And to answer the most asked question, I go when the bottom light on the stop light comes on. (That just happens to be the white one, I’m not sure why they call it green.)
So every time that I go to see the eye doctor and I am shown the little book with the colored circles, I know what is going to happen. I can’t for the life of me figure out why they keep asking me about what numbers I see, since there are obviously no numbers in these circles but they keep asking. As I get older, the doctors assistants are getting younger and they also seem to be getting more and more adamant about there being some numbers on these pages somewhere. I just lost 25 IQ points looking for the numbers in those circles.
Once I convince the teenager that she is the one that is crazy and that someone has erased all of the numbers, she always scribbles something on my chart and escorts me to the room with the mirrors and the crazy looking machine with all of the dials. I peeked over her shoulder and I’m sure she wrote S-T-U-P-I-D on the chart but I really couldn’t read her writing so it could have been something else.
That’s when the doctor arrives and starts the eye exam. I don’t mind the light shining in my eyes while the doctor tries to see how close he or she can get in my face before I blink. But then comes the contraption that is designed to function like a very expensive Viewmaster. (For the record, I think the eye doctor visit would be much more enjoyable if they did show stereoscopic pictures of cartoon characters or Yellowstone National Park. I would much prefer to say “Goofy looks clearer than Mickey.”)
But since they have never asked for my opinion on this, it is now time to play the guessing game. ”Which one is clearer. One or Two. Three or Four. Five or Six.” By this time I am guessing because they are all starting to look the same. ”Ok let’s start over. One or Six. Fourteen or Two.” Wait, when did fourteen enter the picture? ”Are you sure? Isn’t this one any better?” Oops, there went the other 25 I.Q. points.
Finally the Viewmaster is pulled away and the doctor says “tilt your head back while I put these chemicals in your eyes. So with something straight out of the chemistry lab running down my face I hear, “I’ll be back in 20 minutes once your eyes have dilated.” What they are really saying is “I’m going to grab a bite to eat and when I get back you are going to look like Marty Feldman.”
Finally the exam comes to an end, I’m down 50 I.Q. points, and my glasses need to be changed. So now it is time to go pick out some new stylish spectacles. The only problem is that I can’t see a thing. So I look and look until I find some that I think are stylish but who knows I couldn’t see to put them back on the shelf without knocking off about ten other pair. However, when I pick them up in a few days they will probably look more like these.
There is a bright spot to visiting the eye doctor, having the exam, and getting my eyes dilated. They don’t give you a lollypop but if you are really good, you do get a cool pair of shades to wear the rest of the day. I’m sure I can pick up some cool points wearing these shades to offset some of the I.Q. points lost during the exam. I might just have to save these cool shades to wear the next time I go to the beach!
I am thankful that God has given me the gift of sight and I am grateful for the doctors who help me protect and keep that gift. I just wish I wouldn’t feel so dumb when I visit them.
Do you enjoy your visits to the eye doctor?
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I don't mind going, but I'm waiting for the news that I can't see as well and will need some help for reading as well as my normal corrective measures.
I\’m already there, that is the problem with my current glasses. I get a stiff neck from looking up to see everything through the bottom part of my glasses.
I just went through all of this myself in the past 3 weeks. You state it well Sele. They know without the lenses having become thinner and thinner through time, I would be wearing coke bottle glasses. But nooooo, they have to ask me if I can see the big "E" on the chart. No, you goofball i can't! Take one look at my glasses! I'm with you on picking out glasses. How under God's green earth, if I can't see without my glasses, am I supposed to pick a pair that looks good? I don't dare ask my wife. She will have me looking like Poindexter or Simon the chipmunk. But i did dig the stylish sunglasses I got to wear to the bank, the dentist, and the office. I was the talk of the day.
I couldn\’t help but wonder what they would do if I showed back up in a couple of weeks with a tattered pair of their stylish sunglasses and asked to purchase a replacement pair.
My last visit to the yey doctor was like 4 years ago. I had just gotten my new contact lens and couldn't read anything in print. I went back to the Doc and complained. He said "You're over 45, you need reading glasses." I shouted "Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"
Sadly I can't even wear my contacts all day, as they start to itch and even burn…they feel like they have dust on them, so I only use them on occasion…like going to the grocery store. At least there I can borrow some reading glasses to read the labels.
By the way, Doc always gives me the choice of whether or not I want the eyedrops. I always refuse.
But now that you mention it..I gotta make an appointment to see him.
I\’m glad I could remind you. Since I was diagnosed with diabetes they insist on the dilation every time I go.